you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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