remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
