I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
