either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
