My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
