I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
