dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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