I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
