I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So apparently I’m into choking now
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