she was so not down for the gang bang
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
