WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize