is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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