do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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