someone get that fucking seahorse.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
