Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
