That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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