Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize