nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
