I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
my liver is dry heaving
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
