escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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