Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
