drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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