dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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