New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
