im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize