Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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