My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
