A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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