is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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