don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
