hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
