i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
