dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize