we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
