im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize