So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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