I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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