Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
