i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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