She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
