Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
