We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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