Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
