i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
