so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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