And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
