I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
