There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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