i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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