Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
