about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
then he tried to convert me to islam
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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