Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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