The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
