Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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