i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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