soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
