Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
