Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Need sex. Gaining weight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Come on in and take your pants off
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