Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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