..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
