I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
