I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
