You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
