Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
