honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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