TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize