your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
