I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize