dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
