youre lurking in front of me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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