i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
