so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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