So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
