Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
