I looked at my own cervix.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
