Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
