Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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