I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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