im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
