I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
