Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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