Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
