The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
