Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
