I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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