I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's rum buckets o'clock
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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