I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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