I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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