She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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