I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
