um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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