my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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