Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
