I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
