I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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