the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
