Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
