Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
