she woke up with a sticky ear
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
