i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize