Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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