its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In other news, I just burned my penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
