I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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