It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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